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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

 

Super 14: Referees for weeks 1 to 4


Never would one have thought the Cats would have a bigger worry after losing the opening match to the Stormers, well they have. They face South Africa's favourite referee, Stuart Dickinson in week two.


Unfortunately for the Bulls, there will be no blaming Jonathan Kaplan, as this important rematch against the Cheetahs will be handled by Mark Lawrence.

The Reds has been dealt a rough one with Marius Jonker in week 4. It seems he likes to give cards to match the teams' jersey.

The draw for the referees for the first four weeks is as follows:

Week 1

10 February:
Blues vs Hurricanes, Auckland - Bryce Lawrence
Western Force vs Brumbies, Perth - Stuart Dickinson
Cheetahs vs Bulls, Bloemfontein - Mark Lawrence

11February
Crusaders vs Highlanders, Christchurch - Lyndon Bray
Reds vs Waratahs, Brisbane - Matt Goddard
Cats vs Stormers, Johannesburg - Tappe Henning
Sharks vs Chiefs, Durban - Scott Young

Week 2

17 February
Highlanders vs Blues, Dunedin - Chris Pollock
Cats vs Chiefs, Johannesburg - Stuart Dickinson
Bulls vs Brumbies, Pretoria - Lyndon Bray

18 February:
Hurricanes vs W. Force, New Plymouth - Tappe Henning
Reds vs Crusaders, Brisbane - Mark Lawrence
Sharks vs Cheetahs, Durban - Jonathan Kaplan
Stormers vs Waratahs, Cape Town - Bryce Lawrence

Week 3

24 February:
Hurricanes vs Cats, Wellington - Scott Young
W. Force vs Chiefs, Perth - Craig Joubert
Stormers vs Brumbies, Cape Town - Steve Walsh

25 February:
Crusaders vs Sharks, Timaru - George Ayoub
Reds vs Blues, Brisbane - JC Fortuin
Bulls vs Waratahs, Pretoria - Kelvin Deaker
Cheetahs vs Highlanders, Bloemfontein - Brett Bowden

Week 4

3 March:
Chiefs vs Reds, Hamilton - Marius Jonker
Brumbies vs Cats, Canberra - Lyndon Bray

4 March:
Waratahs vs Sharks, Sydney - Bryce Lawrence
Crusaders vs Blues, Christchurch - Paul Honiss
Stormers vs Highlanders, Cape Town - Brett Bowden
Cheetahs vs Hurricanes, Bloemfontein - George Ayoub


Comments:
aldo has 1 eier!!!  
wpw is Aldo's other one  
huh donner?

Shit that one about dickenson was a bit harsh, I'm gonna delete it.
 
'n lekker grappie, spesiaal vir OO!

Gauteng vir Dummies - die avonture van 'n basterVrystater in en om Egoli.

- Koerantverkopertjies by robotte het nooit R 1.25 kleingeld nie, en 'n Beeld kos jou gevolglik R 5.00 en nie R 3.75 nie.

- Sommige Koerantverkopertjies het inderdaad kleingeld, maar kry dit nie in die hande alvorens die robotlig vir ou groen word nie.

- Die mediese onkoste as gevolg van die aanranding deur die Isuzu-bestuurder agter jou, verblind deur road rage, sal na alle waarskynlikheid meer wees as die kleingeld waarvoor jy gewag het.

- Jou Beeld kos jou dus steeds R 5.00, maar jou neus is nie gebreek nie, jy het nog al jou tande, en jou kar se gat het nie die afdruk van 'n Isuzu-bullbar nie... Fok die kleingeld!

- Sou jy 'n Beeld koop, het jy nie tyd om dit te lees nie nie. Het jy tyd, kry jy nie een te koop nie.

- Die billboard-artikel, wat in die eerste plek jou aandag getrek het, sal verseker nie op die voorblad van die Beeld wees, sodat jy dit in-die-ry kan lees nie.

- Moenie 'n Son by 'n robot koop nie. Op enige gegewe tyd sal Mnr en Mev Ds van die NG Gemeente Waterkloof agter jou stilhou en dink jy's 'n pervert.
Organise met die Son-verkoper dat hy vir 50c vir jou bl 3 se tieties wys.
Sit jou donkerbril op, maak of jy dit nie sien nie, en laat val die 50c in die pad voor jy ry. Kry hom die daaropvolgende week, selfde tyd, selfde plek.

- As jy op 'n Sondag Rapporte wil verkoop by die straathoek moet jy blank, tandloos en maer wees, 'n wolmus dra en na drank stink. (En ook nie kleingeld hê nie.)

- Ek glo daar is geen verskil tussen kraanwater en gebottelde water nie.
Volgens die petroljoggies by Shell Midrand, is daar ook geen verskil tussen Loodvry en LRP nie. (Sorg gevolglik dat jy buite reikafstand van die dieselpomp se pyp stilhou. Ten minste by Shell Midrand, in elk geval.)

- PS: Daar is geen verskil tussen McDonalds se take-away koffie en 'n urinemonster nie. Behalwe dat die urinemonster se koppie groter is.
Sie-rie-has.

- Daar is meer klerehangers in Gauteng te koop as klere.

- Wie de donder is Martin Pols (Mark Condor)? Ek ken hom NIE al jare nie..

- Verwoerdburgstad = Centurion = Verwoerdburgstad.

- Jhb Internasionaal = Jan Smuts = Jan Smuts = Jan Smuts.

- Hi-Ace = Nekhare RYS.

- Enige plek in Sunnyside ruik op enige tyd van die dag na piepie.

- Fidelity Guards se transito-voertuie ry in konvooie van 10 met 'n gerattlede trigger-happy personeel van 200, met 'n gesamentlike IK van 200 en meer skietgoed as die SAW destyds in Angola.

- Die swartmotor-konvooi wat jou teen 180 km/h met flitsende blou ligte op die Ben Schoeman van die pad af druk, is verseker die Staatspresident. Hy ry kar want sy Adjunk en haar familie skuur gat met sy jet.

- Bin Laden is springlewendig, en verkoop vis & chips & all & all in 'n kafee in Mayfair.

- Netcare 911 se Subaru's se noodligte en sirenes kan nie afskakel nie. Nie eers deur Mcdonalds se drive-thru nie.

- NetCare 911 se telefoonnommer is nie 9-1-1 nie.

- Hoe de fok gaan Netcare 911 jou anyway op 'n stretcher met 'n Subaru by die hospitaal kry?

- As jy vriendelik vir die ou tannie met die Cressida beduie om voor jou in te ry by 'n interseksie, sal die FHM-voorbladmodel in die SLK agter haar, wat jy nie gesien het nie, dink jy's 'n padvark omdat jy nie vir haar kans gee nie.

- Alle 4x4's in Gauteng het 'n geel vierkantige plakker op die neus, wat verpligtend in Mosambiek is. Sommiges was in Mosambiek. Sommiges wil Mosambiek toe gaan. Meeste wonder waar Mosambiek is.

- Die Land-Rover handelaar in Sandton is adres is 25'°58"46S, 28'°7"51E.
Fokkit, het jy dit dan nie geweet nie?

- Ford het 'n nuwe Ka kar. Sê dit drie keer vinnig.
Verkieslik nie voor 'n Ka kar eienaar nie.

- 'n Tata is 'n Dacia met 'n lelike mombakkies op, en staan meeste van die tyd langs die pad met sy hazards aan..

- Jy kan naby die Hans Strijdom-aansluiting 'n Porsche met enige kar wegry.
Linkerbaan 14km/h, middelbaan 17km/h en regterbaan 18 km/h. Enige tyd van die dag. Sorg net dat jy in die regterbaan is.

- Naby Midrand staan jy 07:00 in die oggend op die N1 stil en idle langs 'n bordjie wat sê '120'. Voor jou staan 'n E-klas AMG Merc, wat gegovern is tot 250km/h en met 8 lugsakke, ABS, Stability Control en 'n GPS met 'n husky vrouestem - ook en idle. Agter jou sit 'n Tata-eienaar benoud op sy selfoon en hoop die verkeer beweeg nie gou nie.

- As jy in 'n Touareg op die N1 ry, verander jy in Gniel de Villiers.

- 'n BMW verander jou egter nie in 'n doos nie. Jy is reeds een voor jy inklim. As daar regtig nie hoop vir jou is nie, ry jy 'n 530d. Lees dit onderstebo as jy weer agter een ry, en moenie jou kar omdonder van die lag nie.

- Die hoeveelheid BMW motorfietse in spitstydverkeer is omgekeer eweredig aan die hoeveelheid wolke in die lug, en blitse op die horison.

- Jy is nie noodwendig 'n Hell's Angel as jy 'n Harley ry nie. Jy kan 'n dokter, 'n prokureur, of 'n CA wees. Jy kan selfs in jou suit ry, met jou laptop vasgestrap op die agterseat. Moet dit net nie waag op die pad sonder die RayBans op jou neus, die pispot op jou kop en die FOKJOU-attitude nie.

- As gevolg van breakfast-rallies op Sondae, is die kerke leeg en die Wimpy's vol.

- Jou kollegas dink nie jy's snaaks as jy vir hulle foto's van die Curriebeker e-mail nie. Hulle noem jou 'n doos as hulle dink jy hoor hulle nie...

- Moet op geen plek in jou neus krap nie. Jy is op enige gegewe tyd op ten minste 3 CCTV kameras, en moenie vergeet van NI se satteliet nie.

- Hardegat Afrikaanse mense praat gebroke Engels met mekaar in swaar Afrikaanse aksente.

- 1 x Tafel in 'n coffee-shop in Sandton. 1 x Man, 1 x vrou, 2 x laptops, 3 x selfone, 4 x personal organisers.
Direkte real-time 3G video-kontak met hoofkantoor in Londen, maar steeds geen waiter nie.

- Moenie jou regteroor met jou selfoon krap terwyl jy gaap nie. Die Metropolisie gaan jou nie glo nie, vir jou vertel jy praat kak en jou beboet vir 'operating a mobile phone in traffic'. Jy mag egter wel wettig 'n lipstiffie, Magnum roomys, Phillishave, sigaret, stout kind se oor of DSTV-remote in een of meer hande hê terwyl jy bestuur.

- Jy sal nie sommer onder 'n klip 'n Skerpioen kry nie, kyk eerder in jou truspieëltjie..

- Die anti-korrupsie tolvrye nommer op die Metropolisie se patrollievoertuie kort 'n nommer en is nie tolvry nie.

- Moenie onder geen omstandighede vir die Metropolisielid in 'n padblokkade jou nuwe Fokofpolisiekar CD wys nie.

- Al ry jy 'n oranje kar met 'n SABS-goedgekeurde Cheetah-gelogo'de Vrystaatse nommerplaat, sal 3 straatsmouse steeds gelyk Blou Bul pette by die robot van die Menlyn-sentrum aan jou probeer verkoop. Verseker onwettige immigrante, want hulle verstaan nie die woord 'FOKOF' nie.. !!
 
Ag nee man!

Even the Aussies hate him with a passion.

Heheheh

At least we're not getting Jonathan Kaplan. The Sharks have the dubious honour in Week 3 when they play against Jonathan's favorite team!

Donner: That Cape air is doing stuff to your brains. Maybe you're still suffering from smoke inhalation after the fire last week. How else would one explain a brainless opener like "after the Cats lose"

The only place where Cats and lose will be associated this season is when you say {INSERT TEAM HERE} LOSE to the Cats.

Oh gosd and we have that other doyen of refereeing excellence against the Hurricanes, Scott Young...

Heheheh

Crusaders Blues is a HUGE game and they have Paul Honiss of the tapped penalty fame!
 
classic aldo  
lekka Aldo  
Knadas is going to come and clear his throat soon

Watchit oukies!!!
 
I don't see anything funny about that. He just described a typical Jozi day...


There's nothing funny about that is there?
 
Kandas who????

Do we still know such a person?
 
Donner

Isn't Kandas that guy that was arrested for allegedly using all telkom's bandwitdh to download porn? I belive he was caught asleep, naked in front of his pc.
 
Aldo,

Can't be that guy. Saw that guys picture in the paper and everybody thought he was sort of good looking.
 
I think he is tracing Blondie's IP.

Just funny how Heksie arrived when Blondie disappeared.
 
Hehe Wes, now is the first time that I've spotted your 03:10 post. Suddenly Donner's makes more sense!  
heheheh

Poor kandas

He's working as hard as what I am at the moment. I'm just taking a break out now. I'll work at home tonight
 
Wonder if blondie exists and if she does, if she's as hot as that pic. Maybe some desperate, dateless colored guy. Province! Post under your real name!  
I think it is Kandas' feminine side that took over and posted as Blondie.

He thinks he is asleep, but it is actually Blondie taking over and going out for a night on the town. That is why he wakes up naked.
 
Hehe Donner! That is funny shit. Can you imagine the looks on the men of Oudtshoorn (that is where he lives right?) faces when they realise he has a tottie!  
Aldo,

I didn't mean it that way.

I guess I can expect a phone call tonight.
 
lol @ Aldo

And gay too.

What do you call a Pretorianer in a suit?

Die Beskuldigde

Funny story

When I was a young wet behind the ears lawyer defending guilty criminals on legal aid for R800-00 per case, we used to have a saying that no matter what the crime, be it theft, shoplifting, DUI, murder, rape or robbery, the defence was always the same.

We'd usually defend these characters who were out of some godforsaken false address place like 21 Smith Street Johannesburg. The okes were usually caught on tape, in possession of a firearm with the loot marked out with the logo of the victim company and the mask in his pocket, but he was always a victim of a horrible misunderstanding.

We'd have to go into the cells to talk to these guys because nobody would ever give them bail.

So the dialogue would go something like this:

Lawyer: Do you speak English

Accused: Eeee.... um...yes I understand

Lawyer: I'm your lawyer

Accused: Yes, I want a lawyer

Lawyer: No, I'm your lawyer

Accused: You a lawyer. I want bail. Free bail.

Lawyer: You're charged with armed robbery that is a schedule 6 offence

Accused: Yes, but I was just walking in the street and the white poloicemen beat me up for nothing.

Lawyer: Okay okay, but you've got to show compelling reasons for your release on bail.And no freebail.

Accused: But I'm innocent.

Lawyer: Are you sure. They got your fingerprints and a gun and DNA

Accused: They're lying.
 
heheh Donner.

A conspiracy theorist I see. Ever notice how Knadas always answers blondie's questions before she asks?

Hey maybe he crossdresses at night too!
 
The only desperate dateless coloured guy i know is a chap by the name of Aldo,the TIK has tha brah ALL messed up  
Aldo,

Maybe Blondie is lesbian.
 
hehe Province. don't go ruining my rep now! I'm a boere thug, no one on the site needs to know I'm a colored guy wishing I was a boertjie that supported the bulls and listened to Steve!  
mmmmm, Donner, that sounds better than the whole Kandas gay thing!  
knadas gaan iemand bliksem hier.

ek sien n "Attention all users" kom
 
lol @ province

So to continue

Eventually you get into court and the magistrate is some old Afrikaans omie who's looking to eat up young lawyers for breakfast. You know his attitude on bail so you don't even bother asking. You arrange a trial date so the poor bastard can begin serving out the 25 years sooner.

Then the magistrate says like:

Mag: Sir, the case agaisnt you is postponed to 15 May 2006 for plea and trial in Regional Court 2. You will remain in custody. Do you understand?

Accused: Eish, I want bail.

Mag: bail?

Accused: yes the free bail

Mag: Did he raise this with you Mr DavidS?

Me: Yes your worship, but I believe having spoken to the prosecutor and my client that the chances of obtaining bail are remote.

Mag: What are the charges.

Prosecutor: Um, your worship, state opposes bail. Accused is charged with a high profile armed robbery, as part of a gang, he was armed, shot at police, he has no job and no fixed address and we suspect he may be Mozambican.

Mag: [lookas at accused] Mr interpreter?

Interp[reter: Yes your worship?

Mag: What language are you speaking to him now?

Interpreter: Zulu but he's struggling. He may be a foreigner but he denies it.

Mag: Now carefuly translate this for him Mr. Interpreter. This is the court's answer to his request fro so-called free bail.

Interpreter: Yes your worship?

Mag: Bwahahahahahah! That's what I think Mr. Accused. That is what this court thinks of people that waste its time. Take him away!
 
Pity we lost him somewhere along the way. :-))  
I do remember him saying something about doing drag shows on the other blog one day.  
Wonder what PA is up to. Maybe they are busy choreographing their next act.  
Ah, that explain things then.

Anyway it fascinated me that the okes always had the same story of just walking in the street and then the cops stop, accuse him of rape, robbery, murder, housebreaking etc and beat him up for no reason.

I even once had a housebreaker. The victim and his son heard sounds at night (about 02h00) in their garage, went out and saw the door half open. Anyway, duly armed (this is Jozi after all) they approached the door when a figure came fleeing out at top speed. They continued to check the garage out and saw that the back window had been removed and the radio removed. Then they look under the car where my client is hiding away from them, holding the radio and speakers to his chest. His story?

At 02h00 in the morning see. he was walking to work see. And suddenly these two white guys grabbed him accused him of trying to steal a radio and beat him up. Then the cops came and did the same thing the bastarsds. However he could not explain how the cops had to jack the car up to get him out because he managed to trap himself underneath and which place it was that opened at 02h00 in the morning necesitating a walk through a suburban cul de sac.

His prize for that piece of superb fiction was 8 years. He thought he was hard done by. The trial last all of 45 minutes and is still a record for me.
 
PA is probably 'sweeping away water" again...


So back to my story.

One day I met a coloured prosecutor from Cape Town transferred to help our courts. He was Regan. So I decided I'd enlighten him about the defence he could expect in every case. He nodded sagely and thanked me sincerely. Then he said.

"We have the same thing in the Cape, only the story is in Afrikaans"

I cracked up!
 
So they're both missing and blissfully unaware of their new status.

Wonder if blondie isn't perhaps knadas' alter ego that he's practicing for after he gets the chop chop!
 
Yeah, PA and Kandas is working on a side show for the KKNK! Kandas in drag and PA in kakies!

Oh and Wes dressed up as Dr Verwoerd!
 
That's mighty distatsteful Aldo

I assume you're going to consult to them on which lace g-strings are the best to wear when going out and wearing a mini dress?
 
Davids SUCKS JORRIE's TITTIES
Donner MANICURES MOANER'S TOE NAILS
Aldo IS WINNIE MANDELA'S PERSONAL FASHION CONSULTANT

okay who else gave me shit
 
They did a research study in bakkies to see why they have so many accidents. They put a mike in every bakkie sold.

The main words heard were:

"Oh shit"

or

"Oh hell"


Except in Namibia where the main words were:


"MAN KOM EK WYS JOU HOE FOKOF HIERDIE BAKKIE"


PA has a sticker on the back of his bakkie that says:

"I love Kleintjips"


and



"I'm Gus Theron's lovechild"



Ja come back from that one!!!!!
 
Is Kandas gay?  
That's not what my friend told me.  
Anyway, I'm back from Cape Town.

I think I will watch some rugby this year. I always do at my parents, just to please my Dad, but I might try get into it this year.
 
Oh well, nobody here?

Gotta run.
 
KAndas,

Snap out of it. Slap yourself a few times. Snap out, please buddy.
 
Yes, Kandas, snap out of it.

I mailed you again on the kandas@rugbyworld.com mail

but you never answer me
 
Blondie, read slowly, remember, this migth be difficult, k-a-n-d-a-s-@-r-u-g-g-a-w-o-r-l-d.c-o-m, not kandas@rugbyworld.com. Shit! Now she's probably gonna put the hyphens in!

Kandas, your alter ego is bloody stupid!
 
Aldo,

Daai Jhb ding was classic.

DavidS, LOL @ the lawyer stories. Only in SA I guess.

Where did you guys find Blondie? Nogal 'n mooi poppie. Hoop wragtig nie dis Knadas se alter ego nie!
 
Generaal

Ek belowe dis nie my alter ego nie!!!!!

Hierdie spul is net jaloers.

Alhoewel ek glo vas dat Blondie is niemand anders as Liewe Heksie nie.
 
Jaloers? Nie op jou nie Kandas, ek hou nie van cross dress nie!  
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