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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

 

Ruggaworld Humour: Like excretion through a sewer pipe, so are The Chronicles of SARU

In our previous episode we were introduced to Brian, Athrob, Gideon, Andre and Mveleli. They are part of the SARU Illuminati. They’re facing a crisis because there’s a looming election and they may lose. Let’s hear what our intrepid investigative reporters found out next from the office of Brian.

Brian: Yes, hello, can I speak to Mark please. Hi Mark old chap how are you doing? Still putting on the pounds I see….. heheheh….. oh well age catches all of us at some point. Listen Mark, the reason why I’m calling is this damn Oregon character….. yes….. he’s going to f—k everything up you know. .. I know… mmm… I agree. Okay anyway, can’t you publish something about him… I don’t know you’re the ace reporter…. What about saying he’s in cahoots with Markgraaf and Luyt. That always works….. Well it doesn’t matter whether it true or not, if he comes out and denies it then he just sounds like an idiot doesn’t he? Well whatever… we need to start our election campaign now. Wait, I’ve got someone coming in. I’ll speak to you later. Bye. Yes.

Louise: Johan wants to speak to you.

Brian: Oh damn…okay.

Johan: Hello Brian. I see this election thing is hotting up. Do you think we’ll win?

Brian: Oh yes we will. Don’t worry about a thing. I’m in control.

Johan: It’s just you know with people saying I fiddle with my staff, if I lose this position I’m pretty much f—ed.

Brian: I know. I’m working on it and don’t worry.

Johan: Er..okay Brian. Cheers. Hello Louise….

Louise: Get away from me …. sir...

Brian: Ja whatever. Louise! Get me Kyle. No not Mark’s Kyle, the other one.

Louise: Yessir. Is Johan gone? Good.

Brian: Yes? Oh hi Kyle. What’re you up to? Still spending the Rupert commissions? Heheheh. Be careful old boy. The Receiver may start asking questions you know. ……. Heheheh…….Oh yes I think if we lose we’re in deep dwang here…….Of course I’m trying to save our asses, but it’s a bit hard when the CEO of my union just ups and drops me isn’t it?..... Well I’m glad you’re sitting pretty…… No I can’t take more cash from my company, it’s pretty much bankrupt anyway……Ja, I was counting on staying here another two years to set up a nice nest egg…. Listen can’t you use your media contact to pull the plug on all these negative reports about me?..... they did? All of them told you to get stuffed?.... eish…. Um okay, I’ll have to do it myself then. Cheers.

Athrob: Howzit bossman. See these newspaper reports about you and now Gideon too?

Brian: I’ve seen them. What the hell is Gideon doing in the news? I told him to do nothing.

Athrob: He’s opening the Eastern Cape High Performance Centre.

Brain: Oh that thing he’s building with Lotto’s cash? Oh, that’s okay then. At least it’s not rugby related. Thank heavens for that.

Athrob: And me? Am I gonna lose my job?

Brian: Probably we all are if I don’t start getting some votes. I’ve gotten EPRFU and I’m working on Border, helping Yako with his court case. I probably have the Leopards too. Now Mark better just start doing his spinning as soon as possible before we all land in the dwang on shit creek without a paddle. Where’s Mike Stofile?

Athrob: In his office. I didn’t tell him anything.

Brian: What do you mean?

Athrob: Well he asked me what happened in the boardroom so I told him, but I didn’t say “anything”.

Brian: Athrob…. One day is one day then I’m gonna throw you out the window. What’s he doing now?

Athrob: He’s talking to his boet.

Brian: Ag you doos!


------------------- end of transmission -----------------------

Join us next time for another exciting instalment of The Chronicles of SARU, when Brian reacts to Andy Turner’s treason, Mark gives Oregon airtime and the newspapers turn against Brian as the election hots up.
Comments:
Bwhahahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaa.

Great one, needed that today.
 
This from the guy who reckons he's been hard at work all day! Great stuff Davids.  
Davids,

I think he is working to make the Cats lose next week. Seeing that Andy Turner withdrew their support.
 
Donner

I don't think the mondi maulers needs any help in losing next week!
 
Aldo,

After the S14 they will be knownas the Toiletpaper Pufters. For obvious reasons.
 
I think it will be more like the longdrop crapper paper heros!  
No kids.

BVR can try do things but he always gets caught.

Without him the Cats are going to the big time now.

Aldo

There are 24 hours in a day and you just spend 8 of them at work. I have a pc at home and I have a flashdisk...vistaa djy?

Next week the Breezes will by crying when they've had their Light 5 MAULED by THE CATS!!!!!
 
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRMMMMEEEEEERRRRRS  
No Tight 5.... no win.....  
Cheers gentleman,Aldo,ill get the gingerbeer for the papsak,you just make sure the sakkie is Yskoud!
SAFE GAAZIES!
 
I don't really understand the story.

Am I missing something? It doesn't seem to make much sense to me.
 
Blondie,

It is for grown ups. Not you and wpw.
 
Ouch, Donner! ;-)

Poor WPW!
 
Blondie

See you tomorrow???
 
LOl LOL Tafelberg!!!!

You evil, evil woman!!!

LOL, is that Blondie in the pic?

Hahahahahaha, I doubt Blondie will be ANYWHERE where you are!

I can smell intimidation from here!
 
Ras,

Not evil. WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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