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Monday, January 30, 2006

 

Ruggaworld Humour: Like excretion through a sewer pipe: So are the Chronicles of SARU

In the spirit of détente with keo, we have decided to can the Chronicles of Keo series. After all, last week we helped them to track down a vicious virus affecting their e-mail system. Instead, we have tasked our intrepid team of investigative reporters to find out what SARU is all about. With their hidden mikes and wire taps at the ready, this is the first installment of: The Chronicles of SARU.

Brian: Order. Order. This session of the Cabal is now in session. Silence while I’m talking. Now the first order of business is that we should change the name of the Cabal. There are reports in the newspapers of a Cape Cabal. It’s not nice, so I’ve decided that from now in we’ll be the SARU Illuminati. Anyone disagree? No? Good. So ordered. Mveli?

Mveli: Okay, this is a cool name. Does this mean I have to work now?

Brian: No, of course not. Just say scary things in the media, like you did in December.

Mveli: Oh, in that case, I’m going to announce that all eleven players must be black from now on.

Athrob: But there are 15 players in a team. What about the other 4?

Mveli: Don’t be ridiculous. All team sports have 11 players, like soccer and that other one where they throw balls at guys with sticks.

Gideon: Riiiggghhht. Okay. Why don’t you go tell the media that and we’ll do the rest of the meeting, okay?

Mveli: Okay. You know where I’ll be with the Posse.

Athrob: Ja, and remember to stock up afterwards. We can’t keep having to buy Johnny Walker Black Label.

Mveli: No, that’s your job. You’re the manager.

Brian: Enough. I have a new issue. Firstly Interface last night was not cool was it? Secondly, that Hoskins guy is actually starting to worry me. Thirdly, that Joos Hefer guy was a hanging judge in the old apartheid regime. He’s gonna lynch my ass.

Gideon: Well that doesn’t affect us does it?

Brian: Idiot. Of course it does. If I go, then so will the rest of you.

Athrob: Why me? I’m the team manager. I don’t do things wring. I was even manager for Nic Mallett’s Boks.

Brian: Yeah? And who actually managed the team idiot? Not you. Remember the hotels with short beds, the spikes, the stupid training schedules and travel itineraries? That’s you buddy! What have you done for this end of year tour.

Athrob: I’ve sorted that out. Look I’ve got a nice sightseeing trip to Scotland for the day of the match to calm the players down.

Gideon: Idiot. That’s during the match!

Athrob: So what. They can wait for us a while. The players come first.

Gideon: Well I’m toast seeing as I never even qualified for this position. That’s your fault Brian.

Brian: Okay okay. I’ve hired Gill Marcus to be my lawyer. That’s a start. This way I can blame someone else if we lose and tie SARU up in court for months. Next, get hold of Kyle Ferguson and tell him to get Mark Keohane to say nice things about us on that web thingie place. Next we have to delay that hanging judge long enough so he also leaves like that King guy. Andre, use your nice contacts in the media to sort out these stories about me losing.

Andre: No problem boss man.

Gideon: What do we tell Johan Prinsloo?

Brian: Nothing. That way when the media ask him about Mveli’s screaming again, he can look like the poephol as usual. It takes attention away from us.

Andre: And Mike Stofile?

Brian: I’ll handle him. His boet wants our asses badly, so we have to very careful what we tell him. We gotta make Hoskins look the bad guy. I’m good at slowing down things and smoke screens. I’ll handle him. In any case, his boet is gonna be more interested in Bafana Bafana for a while, seeing as the President is pissed off with them.

Gideon: What do I do?

Brian: Same as always. Nothing.

Athrob: And me?

Brian: You especially do nothing. Especially don’t manage anything. Just do what I tell you. Right. This is the end of the meeting even though we didn’t have everyone here. I’ll phone you for the next meeting. The SARU Illuminati meeting is closed.

------- end of transmission -------

Tune in next time for more Chronicles of SARU as our intrepid rugby leaders prepare to fight of the evils of fan hatred, corporate governance and a looming election!
Comments:
were any episodes of "The Chronicles of Keo" actually published?  
Gideon: What do we tell Johan Prinsloo?

Brian: Nothing. That way when the media ask him about Mveli’s screaming again, he can look like the poephol as usual. It takes attention away from us.


poor old prinsloo... always gets the short end.

good laugh, cheers davids
 
rob

Lots, but they were all in the early days of the blog.

I'm sure you'll come upon them in the archives.
 
Robd,

Look under the first three archives. They should be there.

Great stuff Davids.


Gideon: What do I do?

Brian: Same as always. Nothing.

Brilliant.
 
Rob

There were also "interviews" with The Tackler and St Michel and Die Waarheid
 
bwaaahaaa

Good stuff!
 
I take it you enjoyed them then?  
Oh yeah  
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