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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

 

RUGGAWORLD HUMOUR: Father Christmas delivers for South African rugby

In true journalistic style, DavidS (that’s me) read the rugby365 Christmas wish list with some petulance and a decidedly green monster on his shoulder for not having thought of this sooner. So in true Darryl Bristowe Bovey style, here goes with the plagiarism and a distinctively South African rugby flavour to the Christmas wishlist.

Interpid reporter DavidS detoured from Namibia for his appointment to show Yvette the dreaded roundhouse on a urinating insectoid, and dropped in at the regional office of Antarctica’s greatest export to check the South African wishlist for Christmas. Sneaking past prowling security elves, DavidS (that’s me) managed to get to the letters before Father Christmas (Santa is something in America) used the letters for his ablutions. He managed to sneak some peeks at what South African rugby’s names and teams want for Christmas.



Jake White: (HAH! 365 was reading the wishlist of South African fans and not Jake’s – scoop) “Please let the rush defence work for one more year so I can keep my job”

Moaner Vd Merwe: “A tight Five”

Frans Ludeke: “Let paper strength become onfield performance”

The Sharks: “Please don’t let us get relegated. Please please please” – Father Christmas had made a note on this reading “Note to self: Pass onto God: This is beyond my power to grant”

The Boks: “Some rest please”

Percy Montgomery: “A book on how to field up and unders”

Freestate: “Another one of the same please”

Bulls Fans: “REVENGE!!!!!”

The Spears: “No litigation please”

SWD: “Some Dr Phil magic”

Gert Smal: “A book called: ‘Coaching Forwards: A beginners guide for school coaches’”

Johan Prinsloo: “A Personality like Tony McKeever”

Brian Van Rooyen: “”A book on: ‘The cover up: Do’s and Don’t’s’ by The Apartheid Regime”

Brian Van Zyl: “Please let this newspaper gimmick thingie work”

Jonathan Kaplan: “A pair of glasses and the IRB Rules book”

The Cats: “Let the S14 be decided on paper…cos then we’ll win.”

The Stormers backs: “Some ball from our forwards”

The Stormers forwards: “Help….and maybe a decent flyhalf”

SARU: “A communications department…….and Louis Luyt and corporate governance, a brain, an HR department, some intelligence, good management and…oh just replace us” – Unfortunately Father Christmas made a note here that said: “Note to self: Ditto: See Sharks”

Bok Fans: BEAT ENGLAND!!!!!!!

Joe Van Niekerk: “A coach that teaches me to run straight”

Schalk Burger: “A brain”

Os: “One more year please one more year”

Victor Matfield: “Some bulk so I can also get tough in the tight stuff like Bakkies”

Butch James: “A pass from hospital” – okay so I copied that one…..

Wikus Van Heerden: “Recognition”

Fourie Du Preez and Johan Roets: “Hearing aids so we can hear calls of ‘Mine’ on the field”

The Falcons: “Some money please”

The small unions: “Help from SARU please”

Hanyane Shimange: “Just some game time please”

Wpw: “Fur for his dashboard on the new car”

Pissant: “Gus Theron is arrested for being part of the Boeremag and exiled to Greenland for the rest of existence”

OO: “More of the same”

Also: “Revenge and the CC in its rightful place at Loftus”

Kandas: “Redbull, rest, no pressure and a good year for the Spears and SWD”

Donner: “A tight Five for WP”

DavidS: “Being there to watch PA eat his every one of his lines about the Lions/Cats being a paper team”

Province: “Passing the pencil test”

StP: “Some sun and the Bulls winning again”

St Michel: “A nice hairbrush spanking from Yvette” (Not gonna happen St Mick!)

The Spearleaders: DavidS (Sorry girls, I’ve already got a nice French girl who is all too grateful for some help I rendered to her…MAYBE NEXT YEAR)


DavidS (I) looked for something from the Kiwis, but saw a letter from them to Father Christmas saying: “Our deal with Satan still stands and we’re still the best in the world so we don’t need anything seeing as we’re pretending to be God’s gift to rugby till the next World Cup semi-final, when we have to renegotiate with Satan”. DavidS tried to find the one for England and came across the Aussie one which is long enough to fill a whole book. At this stage some pesky elf heard the sound of Yvette stocking inexplicably coming down and DavidS had to make a run for it and jet off to the diametric opposite of the world. Namibia for the urinating insect’s date with a roundhouse and an explanation of what paper can really do.
Comments:
Davids Got my wish right!!!! CC in it's rightfull place. Said like a true gentleman!

Oh and "DRAGONS!!!!"
 
good stuff paper boy  
loved the hearing aid....  
Guys, i'm off soon. Wouldve been my last day but must still do the VAT tomorrow morning. And management accounts for the BOSS...

Cheers, have a good evening. davidS, stop sucking kanads' titties!!!
 
lol@kanads from wpw

Knadas


looks like you'll have to change your nick.

Us dyslexians seem to get it wrong all the time...


cheers wes

Geez PA...I was even nice to you about your wishlist and still the paperboy stuff.....


Remember next time the WP loses, I won't be so nice and understanding as I've been this year....especially if they lose to the Cats...
 
WP are also a bunch of paper boys. Not a good team on paper but fold like paper under pressure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm gone like a old fart in the wind. Know I haven't been on the site a lot today, had to work for a change, but will be back tomorrow morning. Keep up the good work.
 
hehe also.

ja well davids - i have to take the going while its good, i dont predict good things for my boys next year.
 
No Aldo

They fold like a paper jet when they face a real Tight Five....
 
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