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Friday, December 09, 2005

 

RUGGAWORLD EXCLUSIVE! St Michel Addresses Us!

So in the keo tradition, I have decided that I will refer to myself in the third person. Your intrepid investigative reporter, DavidS managed to convince the Singaporean cops that they would be better off with two keys of Coke, rather than waiting three years and seeing him getting hanged to the outrage of the world. This is a good thing seeing as your intrepid reporter would take exception to getting hanged in Changi Prison in a few years if it came to that. Anyway, arriving in London DavidS, had to answer a few uncomfortable questions from the pleasant British customs officials, before they too saw the worth of two keys of Coke as opposed to a good performance appraisal. The Brazilians aren’t happy, but when DavidS reminded them his friend Mr. Akindele from Lagos may be unhappy if anything happened to him, they accepted the situation and waltzed off to catch some Chelsea football match. This seemed strange seeing as Mr. Akindele is actually a lecturer at Lagos University…

Anyway, DavidS (I’m good at this third person thing) then caught a ride to the country house of our second least liked Muppit, St Michel, where the butler let DavidS in and sat him down before the Master of the house arrived, in a tweed jacket, deer stalker cap and knee high leather boots, and opened the conversation with:

St Michel: By Jove old man, I was wondering when one of you Japies would come and pick my most prominent rugby genius

DavidS: Howzit [I did this deliberately] St Michel. Thank you for the time. Can we start?

St Michel: By all means my good chap. Fire away.

DavidS: I wish I could but for now I’ll settle for questions. Tell me why you feel the need to hang out on a South African website and insult our rugby playing ability?

St Michel: Gadzooks! You are forward aren’t you? Very well, I am from English stock and the best I might tell you. As you can see I have worked very hard, an English tradition you know, to amass quite a wealth and I heave become very wise to the ways of the world.

DavidS: So you inherited it from your father then?

St Michel: Hohohoh, indeed my good man, indeed. I have taken my dear Papa’s wealth and held it together. I have always taken a keen interest in the ways our colonies are doing since they selfishly decided to rule themselves in 1933. South Africa holds a particularly dear place in my heart as Grandpapa fought there with the 51st Highlanders during that little spat with the boers at the turn of the previous century.

DavidS: Oh, so your grandfather was one of those rednecks who ran like rabbits at Magersfontein?

St Michel: I high speed retreat my dear fellow. An Englishman does not run. Gradpapa had to show those Scots how to do it properly too, as they wanted to fight despite the precarious tactical situation. He wanted to regroup his men and assert the English dominance over the boers…

DavidS: Why us?

St Michel: Egad! Is it not obvious? The New Zealanders come from dour Celtic roots and one can expect very little from them. The Australians were half convicts and half wealthy landowners like my family, so they have enough guidance. The boers have never had the benefit of sound English leadership. Fair but firm English administration. I fear our short-lived dominion of South Africa did nothing to uplift the boers and they have reverted to their primitive barbarism so evident in the war. You could see my timely intervention as a way to make amends for that. I believe that your sports codes could do with a bit of firming up and some sound English advice, particularly that English game the boers have claimed as their own, rugby, of which I am a highly knowledgeable connoisseur. Would you care for some tiffin?

DavidS: Yes thank you. You want to boss us around then?

St Michel: Hohohohoh! My dearest chap. But of course you need some guidance. After all, just one look at buffoons like that Brian Van Rooyen wog, and you immediately realise that here is a place where you can do some good work. Instilling traditional English values in second rate colonised servants from a Dutch heritage. You know your Dutch and French forebears were no more than refugees from the 30 Years War. This is in contrast to the English who actively went looking for danger and adventure you know, not fleeing to some far-off corner of the world to escape from adventure. Yvette, please arrange some tiffin won’t you dear. For this nice gentleman and I. Be quick about it.

[I interject here because his French maid was the hottest chick I’ve ever seen and that little outfit did a lot to shorten this interview because I was ogling the lithe body prancing about in front of me]

DavidS: Um….er…. so …..um…. Wha….. how do you think we’d benefit from you.

St Michel: Are you quite all right old man? Now where were we. Oh yes, your boer rugby players have never had the benefit of good firm English leadership. And I sincerely believe this has lead to where you are today. Your rather unintelligent artisans, policemen, soldiers and farmers of the old days were rather effective in the amateur days. But things have changed old chap. Things have indeed changed. England is now the world’s leading rugby power. The professional set-up of their clubs lure the best young players of the world, and this has further strengthened our already powerful position in world rugby. We are now the leaders of the pack. The pinnacle of world rugby. Against this kind of dominance what chance do your peasantry have? None I am afraid to say….why thank you Yvette…..

DavidS: And yet South Africa still have a better win/loss ratio over England. And New Zealand and Australia have beaten you in recent times.

St Michel: Zounds!!!!! How dare you sir. How dare you question our dominance. Surely even one as backward as you can see the Robinson doctrine is already building England back to the powerhouse we were in the past. These are not set-backs at all, they are reconnaissance matches where Andy Robinson is learning the weaknesses of the New Zealanders and the Australians. I say… beaten indeed.

DavidS: Do you have a message for muppits?

St Michel: Until you accept the dominance of English culture over your own and accept our well meant help, your rugby will never reach the lofty heights of the fifties…

DavidS: St Michel. I have a message from the Muppits too. Now I have already shown the New Zealander The Tackler, the famous Chuck Norris Roundhouse, but judging from that old cane you have up on the wall and your English public school ponciness, I believe a different approach is in order.

St Michel: I say….

DavidS: No you don’t say anything you f---ing poncy, pretentious, overbearing, lying son of a Jersey cow, genetic malfunction.

[DavidS grabs St Michel, and getting to the recent swing of things, pulls his pants down and gives him six of the best to a chorus of school boy style yelps of agony]

DavidS: Enough! I’m leaving…and I’m taking Yvette with me. She deserves a spot on Clifton for the summer for working for a poncy idiot like you!

St Michel: I shall have your guts for garters sir. Queensbury Rules I say. I daresay you are a typical boer thug you cad!

[The idiot put up his fists in that back to front English way….so I roundhoused him Chuck style. Then I grabbed Yvette and stalked out. The last words I heard were]

St Michel: Aaarrrggghhh…..hhhaaarrrumphhh….nnnnngghhhnnn….. this is that Kandas fellow’s fault I say….

Editor’s note: We have lost contact with DavidS since this dispatch. We have no idea where he is, except for an off-the-record remark about feeding Yvette boerewors instead of black pudding, which we did not understand, probably something to do with that Eastern Cape issue we’ve been having lately….
Comments:
Dragons


I DID tell the damn thing to publish in 'font' and 'small' I swear!
 
Been busy again this morning I see.

Brilliant.
 
Not to worry davids. After all, its not your fault but kandas'...  
damn kandas hijacking our posts now as-well?

better than the tackler interview!
 
FCUK!  
DavidS

A really good laugh, old chap

"friendly cuxtoms people".. indeed
 
Anyway, too scared to commit suicide. Will be too sore.

NOBODY SHOULD BE WORKING IN THE TEMPLATE AS I AM BUSY WITH IT! DONT TOUCH IT!

Let me mess that up too.
 
PA

Get to a phone and phone me please.
 
kandas did you get my mail?

OO & Davids,

new arti is up RE Lions
 
Thanks Pa

let me hightail to my blog and see what is happening there ;-)
 
Yes PA. Sent this mornings mails to the other address already.  
I dare say old chap, how can you make such a mockery of a rich culture of rape and genocide (spelling? I am after all only a boere thug trying to be English!). It's all kandas' fault old chap. Go give him a good old roundbouse I say!  
Kandas

Don't worry, I leave it in your capable hands, I think I just made it confusing as hell!!!
 
A "READ MORE" LINK WILL APPEAR AT THE BOTTOM OF EACH ARTICLE. LEAVE IT! DONT TOUCH IT! NEVER EVER!

Untill I say it's ok.
 
PA

Read it

Commented

Miffed.....

Because you're right.
 
jislikit Ig, i mean kandas... Did someone piss on your battery this morning?  
Kandas tender vir 'n Chuck Norris roundhouse....  
wpw


Have you read the Brannasnacht thread?
 
You surpass yourself, DavidS!

Excellent.

Can I push this little button that say's, 'read more'?
 
Yvette sent me her pic, as you can no doubt see for yourself.  
That lucky DavidS bastard  
Yip ol' Spearspanker sure have a sore ....tooth this morning?

PA, excellent stuff, just remember- that second game was won with only a point and it was at Ellis- so I guess our season had turned around then.
 
RAS RAS RAS...phew  
davidS
Some of it yes. Is kandas miffed cos you guys were teasing him? And blaming everything that goes wrong on him?

I liked the one about george bush. lmao
 
Davids

I can't find a download for virtual expander or anything else that works for that matter, you should have it on you flash disk, if you have it with you. Can't you send it to me from there?
 
Kandas

Weet jy nie nou al dat die grootste fout wat jy kan maak is om vir kinders te se om nie daardie knoppie te druk nie? Wat gaan gebeur as ek hom druk?
 
Aldo

Your hard drive will explode!
 
har-har jou nar!  
This site is as quiet as St Michel and Tackler after the roundhouse kick.  
Wat het gebeur met die read more knoppie. Ek wou hom nou gedruk het!  
Hier sit ek stoksiel alleen, stoksielalleen, op 'n saterdag aand (in die geval Vrydag middag). Vir yftig randjies met die trotse samewerking van Vokskas bank, wie sing die liedjie oorspronklik?  
Ok

No more buttons :)

I'll do this at night when I only have to worry about Rasputin and you other buggers are asleep.

You guys should still stay away from the Template though.

Thank you very much for your kind co-operation.

PS. I had fokol to do with the George Bush issue!!!
 
And Saddam????  
Saddam...well...total different story.

Ras

You should really change your pic. Everytime I see it I go totally ... funny?
 
Aldo

David Kramer
 
5

4

3

2

1

Nee die een gaan aan die gehoor.

Ja jy meneer met die Swart hemp en die fake tan.

Tackler: "Wie ek?"

Johan:" Ja jy meneer, staan op en se ons jou naam"

Tackler:" I'm the great one himself, Tackler aka Keo aka Dr Basson. I wont compete in your pety competition."

Johan:" Kyk hoe ky hy vir my! Kom gee ons die antwoord."

Tackler:" Bulls 0 Highlanders 23, oh sorry, thats not what you were asking for, Bokke got a snotting from the AB's at Loftus!"

Johan:" Nee jammer meneer, vyftig rand vir die eerste hand wat nou opgaan!"

St Michel:" I say old chap, what is this ghastly behaviour about. Crikey, you would never see someone jump up and doen like that in England. So barbaric!"

Johan:" Ken jy die antwoord, jy met die bak ore en kant paadjie?"

St Michel:" Some respect old boy, you cannot speak to someone from her majesty's Island like that."

Johan:" Ag nee meneer, jy is ook verkeerd, wil nog iemand probeer?"

Iewers in die hoek kom daar 'n klein kleurling hand op.

WPW:" Ek se my bra, dis mos daardie ander lanie, daardie een met die rooi shoes!"

Johan:" My wragtie, 'n kleurling wat Afrikaanse musiek ken!"

wpw:" My bra, ek sit nou my broetjies op jou, dan sal jy nooit weer so 'n racist wees nie, ek se!"

Johan:" Ughmmm, okay, ken jy sy naam?"

wpw:" Never, ek luister dan nie eers afrikaanse musiek nie!"

Johan:" Nou wat maak jy hier?"

wpw:" Djy beter nie iets op Keo loop se nie, maar actually laaik ek die stuff meer as glue sniff op die flats! Dis die lanie van die kombi advert, ek se!"

Johan:" Okay, vir dit gee ek net die helfte, dis niemand anders as David Kramer nie!"

wpw: " Ek het mos so gese, jy verneuk my oor my velkleur jou blerrie rassis! Ek sal jou kry!"

St Michel:" Such barbaric outbursts will not be allowed old chap. Sit down I say, and let the show go on!"


Okay, okay, ek weet dit was nou nie op die level van Davids nie, maar dis alles Kandas se skuld!
 
Aldo,

LOL

Moenie jouself onderskat nie.
 
Ag dankie donner.

OO

Jammer man, jy was reg, gaan net na Vokskas bank toe, weet nie waar julle tak is nie. Ek sal met hulle reel vit jou vyftig randjies!
 
Fok

As enige van julle se vrouens/girls pregnant is/word, ek is/was nie naby nie!
 
Kandas,

Ek dog jy is al by die sewes, met 'n bier in die hand.
 
Jy was Kandas. Rumour has it that Chuck Norris fell over once while attempting a roundhouse kick. It was when he tried to kick Keo and kicked to high. It was all Kandas' fault. Chuck is still looking for you Kandas, be afraid, be very afraid indeed!  
Aldo koop eerder vir Johan 'n ander onderbaadjie- een waarmee hy nie die kots opgevee het nie.

Shyte maar daardie ou se kleresmaak suig...

maar hy het in elkgeval meer hare as ek...
 
Shyte OO

Nou gee jy jou ouderdom weg.

Ja die ou se kleure smaak moet die kakste in gekskiedenis wees(nee nie 'n typo nie, want jy moet gek wees om so iets te dra)! Maar weet jy wat, selfs met dit alles en selfs al haat ek eintlik Noot vir Noot, is hulle al op 'n twintigste seisoen. Kan dit nie glo nie. Hoe hou hy so lank uit?
 
Aldo & Donner

Ek het al gevra maar miskien die antwoord gemis

Al wat ek van een aand se paartie onthou is

"Elvis kannie kom nie want sy jeans is vuil, ou niek stap daar uit met 'n hamer en 'n byl"

Dit is gesing op "padda wou gaan opsit" se wysie.

Is daar so 'n song- Dagga Dirk- Koos Kombuis miskien?
 
Aldo , ek is darem nog aan die regte kant van 40, maar lank al nie meer 'n spring chikkin nie-but sometimes I eate da chikkin  
Or sometimes you think you eat the chicken. Smells like fish, taste like chicken, you don't know what you've been licking, oh boy! Sies waar is my gedagtes nou weer!  
OO

Ek ken die liedjie waarvan jy praat, 'n vriendin van my het hom op cd. Net nie seker wie hom gesing het nie. ek dink amper hy was nogal populer toe ek in laerskool was. Weet jy, nou dat ek so praat, ek dink nie dis actually regtig 'n liedjie nie. In die laerskool het ons altyd gesing," One for the money, two for the show, Elvis kan nie kom nie want sy jeans is vuil!". Ek dink so, dalk kan iemand my uithelp. Iemand soos die Muzikant dalk?
 
OO,

Just don't become the chicken.

Kan nie help met daardie liedjie nie. Probeer musiek.co.za
 
Well as funny as it is ...


Its clearly a fabrication !

The real Stm would never have forgoten to remind you that he did play the game at the highest level.


Bloody Fook !
 
Listen here you Celtic Freestate mielievretende whenwe!


I almost got hanged by a bunch of chingchongs to bring you that exclusive!


And I did cut the interview short cos of the French maid you know!!!!!
 
Murph

He did play a game at the highest level- according to St Mike
 
Hi, guantanamera121212  
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