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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

 

Rugga World Humour: The Great Interview: Tackler speaks exclusively to Rugga World!

Your intrepid investigative reporter, DavidS, has managed to get a peek inside the prison cells at the Wangagrei Maximum Security Facility where the infamous Dr Colin Bouwer, whom we fondly know as TheTackler is serving a life sentence. I managed to interview TheTackler and here EXCLUSIVE to Rugga World is the first one-on-one interview with the git.

DavidS: Do you mind if I call you Tackler?

The Tackler: Why not, after all I ‘tackle’ all you Japies on keo all the time and win with facts. Hah hah!

DavidS: You left South Africa some time ago. Why?

The Tackler: It was clear that it was becoming a gravy train where the melanin enhanced people were getting ahead at the cost of everyone else. Besides, I’ve never really loved the place; after all, I come from a little dorp called Potchefstroom.

DavidS: After you left the country you did not become one of those pining expats.

The Tackler: Not at all. I immediately adopted native culture and its constant thriving for excellence above the aim of equality and mediocrity in South Africa

DavidS: You must be Potchefstroom’s most shameful export

The Tackler: I could give a stuff. I hate the place and I hate all of you…

DavidS That is evident. Why?

The Tackler: During my trial, it was those damned incompetent South African ‘pote’ who nailed me. They found out my degrees were fake and this let the Kiwis nail me.

DavidS: But the Kiwis tried and sentenced you?

The Tackler: But it was those incompetent gravy train bastards at the SAPS that gave them all the information they needed. Now look where I am?

DavidS: I noticed. Tell me. What do you think of the prison facilities?

The Tackler: What do you think? I’m the only South African here! I hate being a Saffa. I try so hard to be a kiwi, but they still……(sob)….(sob)…..

[5 minute break while guards fetch a glass of sugar water]

DavidS: You still get internet access to give us lip though?

The Tackler: Hah. And don’t I do that well. Luckily I have the best rugby team in the world as backup to my arguments.

DavidS: Why do you come to keo in the middle of the night to bother us?

The Tackler: Because I can. It’s the only Saffa site that hasn’t banned me yet. And besides nothing gives me more pleasure than to give the japies one back. I have a’friend’ who is a samoan, like half of New Zealand, who is also doing timer here and he joins me. If I don’t give enough lip, I take one up the bottom. If I piss you lot off enough, I get away with a suck and swallow.

DavidS: Sounds bad

The Tackler: I suppose…..

DavidS What do you want to say to the readers of Rugga World?

The Tackler: I am, I have been and always will be. I’m sitting here for life so I’ll always be the thorn in your side. I will remind you of being snotted at Loftus in 2003 by fifty points. I will remind you that we have 3 All Black teams in the five we field in the Super 14 and I will remind all of them that the Bulls lost to the Highlanders 23-0 at Carisbrook and got snotted….hahahah!

DavidS: Um, what do you think of the new haka?

The Tackler: Hah! Ke O Panga scarred those stupid japies at Carisbrook so much, they were 21-3 down within 20 minutes. I know it. Want to see?

DavidS: Show me.

The Tackler: [Goes through the whole stupid new haka, including childish throat slit gesture]

DavidS: I’m glad you did it because unlike the Boks I get a chance to respond….

The Tackler: Huh?

DavidS: I’ve learnt the Chuck Norris roundhouse….wanna see…

The Tackler: No…no….guards guards …help!!!!

[DavidS roundhouses The Tackler like Chuck]

DavidS: Tackler this is a sincere gift from all the japies at keo. Merry Christmas

The Tackler: Aaaaarrrgggghhhh…..I’m snotted! I’ll be back you bastards…, when I get my teeth back.

[End of transcript]

We have since lost contact with our intrepid reporter, who has hired the best lawyers in New Zealand, expat South Africans, to represent him. The lawyer says he has a good chance of getting DavidS off on the charges. He is out on bail and tells us that he stowed away aboard a Chinese freighter bound for Singapore where he will try to get a flight back to SA and pay for it by being a mule for a Brazilian cocaine syndicate. We wish him the best of luck. From SA DavidS will report to us from the UK where he will interview that other beloved Muppit St Michel…

Watch this space!
Comments:
R1000 donation for the Qeqe fund to free Davids.....another R1000 to see video footgae of the roundhouse and tackler going down like a lady of the night  
classic.

btw, he was one of those i mailed........
 
PA,

Are you serious?

OK at least he is not as bad as 3rdturd.
 
Davids,

BTW brilliant. You seem to have alot of hatred to the poor guy. Not that he doesn't deserve it.
 
Classic DavidS- hope you catch up on ST Mike at tea time- rounhouse to disturbe the decorum that was created by a tiffen of earl grey- then you can liberate him of his family silver- it was stolen from the colonies anyway  
Brilliant, DavidS!!!!

Up to your usual standard!
 
Davids

Brilliant!

Ig
Do you want to join me in giving these guys as much shit as we give you?
 
Next time you go, Bring me along. I would put something in his mouth so that he won't be able to call the guards. I'm sure you could have packed more kicksby the time they came looking for him  
Next time you go, Bring me along. I would put something in his mouth so that he won't be able to call the guards. I'm sure you could have packed more kicksby the time they came looking for him  
Howzit ouens, this is cool... I missed the cut-off date for keo and still wanted to wish you all a great x-mas and a wonderful new year.  
Hey! You didn't think I couldn't locate your taking of the michael with me, did you?

Damn! It's almost as feeble as that "sports scientist" plonker from UCT and his burnout nonsense!

Cheers

TheTackler -- the REAL one!

(P.S. I know where you live. Be afraid. Be very afraid!)
 
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