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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

 

Rugga World Humour: The Chronicles of Keo return! Ruggaworld's favourite soap opera!

The Chronicles of Keo continue as we try to make contact with our intrepid investigative reporter DavidS and his expose on Keo’s most notorious Muppits. The last we heard from DavidS, he had skipped bail in New Zealand and headed for Singapore stowed away aboard a Chinese freighter. In Singapore he decided to take up an offer from some Brazilian drug smugglers and make some cash as a drug mule. The last we heard from his new Singaporean lawyer was that he was trying to pay off some Singaporean cops who took exception to the four keys of Coke he had in sealed condoms in his stomach when he tried to go through customs. He was trying to get onto a flight to London to meet St Michel. Good luck DavidS!

In the meantime, our expert investigative team has transcribed the newest tapes from the offices of Highbury-Safika detailing the Chronicles of Keo.

Ig: I spoke to the boss and I’m going to the George 7’s

Keo: What? I don’t have a boss…

Ig: You do. It’s Mrs. Highbury-Safika

Keo: You’re tricking me aren’t you?

Ig: Nope. Go look. HR has said I can go.

Keo: Well, what about the website updates?

Ig: You decided to close the place down for a month. The way things are going now, I’ll be asking Ruggaworld for a job next year before we open, so why should I work on the site.

Keo: What! Ban the bastards from the new website!

Ig: I can’t. We’re closed brew.

Keo: I’m not a beer stop calling me ‘brew’.

Ig: You do look a bit like one of those 5 litre draft kegs though….

Keo: One day Stu….one day…..

Ig: They asked us to publish their new address so muppits could visit

Keo: No ways! I’d rather support New Zealand like Makinkhesi Stofile and Trevor Manuel

Simon: Did I hear someone talk about New Zealand?

Keo: Yes, we’re talking about those pretenders to keo at Ruggaworld. They’re a threat.

Simon: Not to me. Remember, I’m an editor of famous name magazines like Jukskei For Beginners and The Indoor Polo Monthly and Chris Rosseauw’s Rugby Tips and the Wit and Witticisms of Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma and …..

Keo: Okay I get it oh exalted one. This puts a spanner in the works of my plans to take over SARU for my own personal gain…..where’s Chris?

Simon: Trying to OD on really strong filter coffee in the kitchen……

Keo: He’s still not over it? Stu what is this?

Ig: Your updated picture for Kingkeo.co.za

Keo: But I look short and fat!

Ig: People saw you on Special Assignment earlier this year and complained that the picture of you on the website is not accurate. It is from your 1962 school annual after all…..

Keo: We can’t have the peasants….I mean Muppits look upon the future leader of SARU as a short fat dumpy little man! I need stature and youth!

Ig: But you ARE short fat and dumpy and old!

Simon: He’s got a point. As an imminent editor of high circulation magazines like Popular Badminton….

Keo: Shaddap!

Chris: I’m feeling real sleepy guys. I think maybe I took too much coffee.

Keo: You’re not fired idiot.

Chris: That’s what you’re saying to make me feel better…., but I know when I’m not wanted….

Ig: Coffee is like Red Bull brew. It’ll wake you up, not put you to sleep.

Chris: That’s what YOU say…..

Keo: We gotta come up with an image for me as leader of SARU. This picture for one has gotta go. Stu. Contact Extreme Makeover. I need to look respectable….

Ig: Even they can’t change a short fat dumpy old keg into a prettily shaped young Bacardi Breezer bottle

Keo: One day I’m gonna roll over you…., So you’re going to George then. Can I have a lift?

Ig: Why with me? You got a car.

Keo: I need a lift. My car’s um….just….uh…..you know….for show….my wife drives me about…. And uh, a plane ticket’s gonna cost….

Ig: Huh? Just for show. How come your old lady drives you around?

Keo: Cos I can’t see over the dashboard you idiot!
Comments:
Davids.

LOL, We really need to get this to Keo.

PA,

Can we mail it to them?

Great to have a such a good laugh this time of day.
 
These just get better and better!

I can see a cartoon strip!

Sheesh, put all these together in a compilation.

Please don't stop, David, we all need the belly laugh.

It's better than Madam & Eve.
 
Thanks okes

Rasp

Thanks for the aerobics link....WOW

That was enough to put the glint in a sex starved exhausted married man's eyes.

Donner

We can't send this to keo. They'll come looking for me. And although my wife may appreciate the insurance money, I plan to stick about for a while yet...
 
Well done DavidS- no I believe keo is big enough to laugh at this- I believe the Monarch Men are silently watching Ruggaworld as well- picking up tips for Kingkeo ala HSM

I will watch the aerobics link later

Ras

I was thinking about that cartoon strip myself this morning- how about a sock- can be any plde rugby sock- even a bit chewed by the real Bliksem- a heavely used jock strap & a "Spearleader" panty that somehow found their way into a toring teams togbag- that way we can even tell the real stories- without it being real- maybe a colunm with text supported with a 6 picture strip

Later on when we are fluent with Flash- well the possibilities are enourmous- Just think what Donner can do with Flash ;-O
 
OO

"...keo is big enough....."


lol!
 
Good one david. lmao. i'm sure keo and Ig will see the funny side of it. You really need to send it to them once the site is up and running again...  
I wonder how old Keo's kids are. Does he look up to them yet?  
donner, you can be lucky you not on his site. LOL
That's a good one. His daughter was in Die Burger, i think Habana was holding her, she definitely has her mother's good looks. lol
 
lol@donner

He still looks down at them.....from a barstool!
 
shit this kak is funny.

man i love the idea of a compilation, davids, we do a comilation, offer to all the muppits at keo.co.za next year with proceeds going to the trust!!

donner,
classic kids comment!
 
Sounds like a plan PA

I like it.


So do we trawl keo's archives to find these compilations?

Some best of's from Nancy, the exchanges between bliksem and badboydepressed, 3rdday's haaking etc and some of St Pete's stuff.


I like that


Especially the whole Nancy's stuff. Of course the latest Boere Thug thing of Vinnie's gotta go in too!


That drunken Taranaki Mauler character before the Newlands 3N test who became so incoherent as the day wore on

"Yuz guyz is gonna looz. Allblax rulz yeah!"
 
I'm surprised that keo didn't do that muppit prize giving thing he did last year.

Do you guys remember Huge Mtondo who was muppit of the year last year.

Wonder what happened to him.
 
would be one hell of a book!  
Guys,

We must actually save our original stories for next year. Then we start posting them here the same day Keo reopens. Imagine how pissed off he will be if we got better reporting and articles than him.

Lets see the poisonous dwarf's true colours.
 
WHY YELLING AT MEN IS POINTLESS

When a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
 
We better ready ourselves. Ras has been quiet for some time now. Any moment we can expect at least five new threads.  
as a matter of interest, we had 2207 page impressions since monday when this blog went up.

and for all those that do not know this, this blog is not only my idea, thanks need to go out to Donner, Davids, Rasp, Kandas and the other guys that ensured the keo muppits had a place to come and wind down before the festive season.

Davids,

our account is already sitting on $0.64!!!!
 
wpw,

Personal experience ?????

:-D
 
No donner. I am waiting for April. I will let you guys know how the honeymoon went. And NO, i am not talking about the JUICY details. LOL

Some1 very wise once told me that you rob from your future when you have sex b4 marraige... HECTIC!!!
 
A blonde's year in review

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said"2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

Phew!!
What a year!!
 
PA


What the hell are 'page impressions'. Is that how many people visited the site or how many times people have accessed our site or what?
 
DavidS
I dropped you a mail but you can just ignore it...i wanted to know if i can post a story too but changed my mind...
 
it is how impressed our pages are to people. they just keep refreshing all the time, they cannot believe the quality of articles they read on this site so rather that blinking or rubbing their eyes the refresh a 100 times over!!!!!  
wpw


I wasn't going to go out with a chick for ten years, and live with her for five of those and not have sex

I'd have gone off my f---ing mind!!!!

Actually it was pure luck that she fell pregnant just before we got married, because you have no idea how many times we watched a pregnancy test in trepidation. Longest two minutes in any unmarried man's life I tell you....
 
PA


Thank heavens. That's what I hoped.

I thought maybe it was some sort of strange IT speak to trick me out of my share of the $0-64
 
Hey PA


We have a little google search thingie at the top of the page


Is that your doing?
 
LOL @ DavidS

PA

Did you get the mail I forwarded form Aldo with the template.
 
Alrighty then... DavidS
So you are still happily married?

Did i tell you guys i have a 9 yr old son. I'm sure i did. I was 19 when his mother was pregnant with him. The sad thing is that we never were together,and now she uses him as a pawn cos she has custody...
 
So, if 2207 page impressions makes $0.64c

then a million page impressions must make $289

and Keo was turning over something like 12 000 000

12 * 289 = $3468

So, maybe Keo was right all along, maybe they weren't being controversial to create hits...

Sheesh, brain is not working, am I approximately right, PA?
 
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