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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

 

Rugga World Humour: All I want for Christmas...


Yeah so rugby news is slow this time of the year. But in true Rugga World style, we will go out and find the stories for you. This pearler I got off Rugby365, one of the better Christmas articles I read and this one is actually damn funny.

Visit http://www.rugby365.com for up to date rugby news and sports fun

All I want for Christmas...
Tuesday December 20 2005
Reporting from Lapland

In an act of journalistic derring-do not witnessed since the Watergate crisis, our crack team of reporters infiltrated Santa's grotto in Lapland and had a rifle through his incoming mail. Here's what some of rugby's finest are hoping to find under the tree...

Andy Robinson: Australia's backs.

Eddie Jones's successor: England's forwards.

Eddie Jones: Gainful employment and/or a soapbox.

Sir Clive Woodward: His very own scout troop, so he can keep up his preparations for always being prepared. Failing that, a time-machine.

Gavin Henson: A modeling contract - because he's worth it. Or an XXXXXXL hat for his XXXXXXL head.

Brian O'Driscoll: A hand-crafted wooden tribal spear, signed 'no hard feelings mate, Tana and Keven'. Also a DVD, 'NBA's finest slam-dunks'.

Mike Ruddock: A simple handshake from Scott Johnson will suffice.

Shane Williams: Blue suede rugby boots. Keep on dancing.

Jake White: A year's supply of verbal immodium tablets.

Lawrence Dallaglio and Matt Dawson: A time machine, to bring them back from the past.

Tana Umaga: A little souvenir Irish leprechaun gnome to stand in his back garden (on it's head).

Dan Carter: A flaw ... it would make the rest of us feel better about ourselves.

Perpignan: A copy of the IRB 'Laws of the game' with the pages on goal-kicking etiquette highlighted in bold Catalan crimson and yellow.

Mathew Tait: A kitbag in the shape of Gavin Henson, which he can pick up and carry around under his arm with one hand.

William Ryder and Waisale Serevi: A dozen pairs of long bri-white cotton socks.

Yoshiro Mori: A specially-modified Playstation rugby game, so he can play his very own Rugby World Cup in Japan's stadium for years to come. (Given the strengths of the Japanese team on the game, it will be 2011 before he can make Japan win it though - ed).

Percy Montgomery: A big red Christmas card, from Bryce Lawrence and Stuart Dickinson.

Bryce Lawrence and Stuart Dickinson: A 'tackling rights and wrongs' DVD, endorsed by Percy Montgomery.

Nigel Starmer-Smith: his old job back (this was a request from everybody who has watched European rugby on TV this year).

The Irish rugby commentators: A second eye with which to watch the game.

Gcobani Bobo: Eyes with which to look where to pass.

Luc Lafforgue, Julien Bonnaire and Lewis Moody: A six-day intensive Capoeira course (Bonnaire was suspended for fifty days for a Kung-Fu kick on Lafforgue in October after Lafforgue had punched Mickaël Forest to the floor, and Moody was suspended for a total of fifteen weeks for punching).

Alastair Campbell: The complete collection of John Le Carré mysteries, so he can see how professionals really go about letting people know what the professionals want them to know.

Gareth Thomas: A special pair of sparkly post-match trousers, so he stops doing post-match pressers in his underpants.

Jason White and Gareth Cooper: Bonus air miles, for travelling all the way to New Zealand just to watch the games they thought they would have been playing in.

Andy Sheridan: A new bench press, with weights up to 500kg so he can stop using Charlie Hodgson as excess.

Matt Dunning: A little pie-shop in the country and/or some acting lessons.

Adam Ashley-Cooper: A pre-match nutrition book, with the pages on how bad it potentially is to eat a pie before making your home debut for your country highlighted in gold and green.

Stephen Larkham: A pack of walnuts, so he can stop dreaming about Drew Mitchell's testicles as a delicacy, and Mitchell can sleep easy. (In Eddie Jones' team-building 'exercise', the Wallabies were asked to concoct feasts out of each others' bodies, and Mitchell's nuts popped up in Larkham's entrées.)

Jérôme Thion: A loud and booming voice with which to shout at John Smit next time they meet each other.

Bill Young: A mathematics course, explaining how a 300kg sledgehammer will be more effective if the striking surface is flat, rather than have 100kg of the weight about a half-metre behind the other 200kg.

Pierre Berbizier: An Italian with real speed, so maybe his team can fulfil its potential at last.

Michael Jones: A diagrammatic instructive DVD explaining the laws of tackling, to help his team forward in 2006.

Jonny Wilkinson: A 365-day pass from hospital.

Andy Farrell: A debut in Rugby Union.

Jean de Villiers: A bungy-jumping cord, so he can throw opposing wingers into a drop and then yank them back out with much less risk of injury to either him or his victim.

Rob Andrew: A dummy, a bonnet, a glass of milk, and some soft toys. All the ones he has spat, cried in, cried about, and thrown around are worn out and battered.

Mario Ledesma: Ditto.

The Scottish Rugby Union: Bums on seats.

Kees Meeuws: French lessons, because eventually, he will have to speak the language if he is to captain the Castres team. It is either that or the Tarnat squad gets down the tattoo shop.

The Argentina Rugby Union: A letter of acknowledgement from the IRB that Argentina is a Test-playing nation. (NB: Santa - this is the tenth time they have asked for the same thing.)

The Pacific Island: Help.

The IRB: A Victorian pile in Mayfair - or anywhere within waddling distance of all the other old boys' clubs.

The British & Irish Lions: Their history written in pencil ... and an eraser.

Comments:
davidS has bum fluff on his chin!!!!  
davids has a paper willy - at least its good!  
So why not some for our rugby

I'll knock one together quickly
 
yeah great idea  
I have the goods to prove you wrong PA

You don't seem to have anything to show for yours and all the talk...somewhat like WP this year....
 
OK, it's up

Sorry knadas
 
What rubbish....I want one of those new IRIVER thingmajigs please Santa.  
Ja StP

NOT Santa

He only serves the Yankies

You have to address Father Christmas as he serves SA.

No wonder you're not getting what you want.

What the hell is an IRIVER thingiemajob by the way?
 
You know what an IPOD is right......IRIVER is the microsft version.
Cool!
 
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