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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

 

"HUMOUR: GELOFTEDAG ON KERKPLEIN WITH DIE WAARHEID"

On 16th December 2005, and on a hot tip from Aldo, our intrepid investigative reporter, DavidS, was dispatched to Kerkplein in Pretoria to see Die Waarheid address some supporters. Now DavidS was not keen, but when we pointed out that his travel allowance could be cut with no more ‘expenses’ spent on Yvette for ‘learning French for 2007’ he reluctantly obeyed THE BOARD and went off to the town of Bulls humiliation to file a report about Die Waarheid’s speech. There he ran into another famous keoite, Stan, who agreed to an ‘interview’. Here’s the interview, exclusive to Ruggaworld!


DavidS: Stan, thanks for the time and speaking to Ruggaworld. Tell me what are you doing here on the Day of Reconciliation?

Stan: There are nuffing to reconciliate. I are here to celebrate it when we boere jaag those swart hordes into Bloedrivier. This are not some ANC rally day to reconcile us wif de kroeskoppe. It am Geloftedag.

DavidS: Right. So howdo you feel about losing to Freestate in the finals?

Stan: Dat was bliksems hard for me. I was one of the okes what made a bet to ride around the Plein shouting “I Love Vrystaat” if we lose. My froat are still hoarse. It was maked badder because that Vrystaat team had too much plat neuse in it.

DavidS: But so did the Bulls. Bryan Habana is black?

Stan: He are not! He am half white. He haven’t got a plat neus. Maybe a bit of a kroeskop but not a plat neus. And he torque lakker Afrikaans like a boer.

DavidS: But he was sent off.

Stan: That am because Kaplan are a k***er boetie.

DavidS: And Meyer Bosman is white. So tell me what did you think of the Bok end of year tour.

Stan: That k**erboetie Jake White.! He choosed just swart nerwe for the Bokke and they loosed the matches.

DavidS: What matches?

Stan: Against France of course! Their K**ers is tougher than our because ours is playing sokker and not rugby.

DavidS: Huh? And if our black people played rugby?

Stan: Hey watchit boetie! That’s our volk’s sport! The Bok team must be a merit team. There must be no platneuse in it.

DavidS: And Bryan Habana?

Stan: I said you are to can watchit boetie! I’ll bliksem you amongst the eyes!

DavidS: So merit means no black players. What about developing the game so we can have tough good black players like France?

Stan: Now you is asking for a klap! We carent teached them to played our game. They is to stupid man. They can’t even see free dimensionally! How will they catches a ball?

DavidS: So what about Akona Ndungane? Should he be a Bok?

Stan: For sure. He is a lekker kroeskop. He runs lank fast.

DavidS: And what about Johan Roets and Fourie Du Preez who gave that last try to Freestate?

Stan: Hey! The Bulle must all be Bokke, but not black ones okay?

DavidS: Right….this makes sense.

Stan: Tole you it are sense to just have white Bokke who is Bulle, except for the black Bulle who is in any case white ones because they can play for the Bulle.

DavidS: And Wayne Julies who scored two past Wynand Olivier in the semi!

Stan: Yusus nou vra jy vir my pellie! Does you wanted a klap!

DavidS: Um no, but as a matter of course we at Ruggaworld have a gift for all people we interview.

Stan: Issit hey? What?

DavidS: This…[Stan gets a wild Chuck style roundhouse]

Stan: Eina bliksem jou k**erboetie!! I are getting a k****er pak like die Bulle!

DavidS: [Another roundhouse – and quietly impressed that he’s technique is getting better]

Stan: [Falls onto the tar like a pile of bull manure in a kraal – black people cheer DavidS in the Plein]

DavidS: [Takes Yvette’s arm] We’re outta here bokkie. Down to Cape Town for an interview with Brian Van Rooyen before Christmas. Ruggaworld has a special present for him.

Yvette: Oui Oui

DavidS: Not now bokkie. Wait till we get to a One Stop. It’s bad news to moer an oke like Stan here in Kerk Plein on a day like today…


Well, that’s it people. Die Waarheid told everyone about Geloftedag and all that nonsense but DavidS was more keen to get the hell out of there seeing as some Bulls supporters were giving him some meaningful looks. He told us something about a detour to show some pissing insectoid character in Namibia something about paper roundhouses, but that’s not news…is it? Till next time then…
Comments:
PA_is_cruising_for_a_Kleintjips_lookalike  
davids pushstarts WPW's Cortina!  
Damn, some of this stuff is funny- but I surely hope for some return to rugby sanity in 2006. This is getting a bit like the Huisgenoot.  
DavidS,that was K@K funny!Shotalot!LMFAO  
how the hell do you come up with this shit????

great stuff
 
OK, so you guys are taking me and PA on.

how about:
davids loves getting sucked by province cos he got no front teeth!!!
 
lmao
davids , this is seriously some funny stuff. lol
 
PA

I know all about paper....including how to write on it.

Thanks okes
 
You sure do DavidS  
lmfao Davids!

I wouldn't survive working this time off the year without this humour.
 
Sorry, one last thing. Did I miss something here? Am I wrong or is Davids teaming up with one of "Die Swart Gevaar"?  
i think they are playing a game of "mixed" doubles  
The oke tuned me I schmaak province

He must eyeball it cos I'll buckle his frame....

Nought, I'm not pellie pellie wif wpw...
 
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